More College Football Hate Prose (UT vs.Bama)

I Hate Alabama

by John Keith Taylor

IT IS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN. This is the week that I live for the whole year. The THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER. For me, one of my main reasons for living and breathing as a Tennessee Volunteer Fan is sothat I CAN HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE!
For me, BAMA not Florida, is Tennessee's nemesis. I HATE BAMA's GUTS. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE with every word I speak, every blink of my eyes, every thought that I have, every breath I take, and every beat of my heart. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE!!! I literally cannot stand the sight of 'em. When I first moved to north Alabama and was single, I glued an Alabama decal to the bottom of my commode in my apartment. It was a "natural law" on Saturday afternoon that you would sit around the apartment all day watching college football and drinking beer. It was a rule that you had to yell, "PISS ON ALABAMA" every time you went to the bathroom. (no, I didn't have a wife or kids at that time) It was even better when I had to sit down.
I HATE BAMA because most of their fans are a bunch of dumb a**, cousin dating, illiterate, rednecks who couldn't find Tuscalosa on a map of the State of Alabama if the Southeastern Conference Championship depended on it. Shucks, half of 'em probably can't find the State of Alabama on a map of the United States. They are so dumb that they proudly wear flip-flops and overalls out on the town to Walmart on a Saturday night because they can't tie their own shoes or zip up their pants. However, they proudly fly those BAMA flags from the window of their new 1997 Red Chevrolet or Dodge pick-up trucks with their BAMA bumper stickers on the rear bumper. The truck probably cost 3 times their annual income, but is worth 5 times more than the 1970's model house trailer that they proudly park it in front of next to a brand new satellite dish so they can watch their "beloved" CRIMSON TIDE play and fail to cover the spread against the likes of Bowling Green, Southern Miss, Tulane, etc., etc. on Pay-Per-View. Every once in a while, BAMA plays a really, REALLY, BIG GAME against seasoned, SEC opponents like Kentucky or Vanderbilt. Isn't it strange that one of BAMA's permanent SEC Eastern Division Opponents is Vanderbilt? Well, I guess the BAMA faithful can now say that their schedule just got tougher.